Don't Let Go
by Tygerwulfe
Summary: (Post 'Never Leave Me'.) While Spike is waiting to be rescued from the wheel, he has an interesting and cryptic dream... What happened to Giles, anyway? (Will be S/B in the end.) PLEASE REVIEW!!!
1. Denial

Disclaimer: No one is mine. Not a one. Nadda. Zip. Zero. Ziltch.  
  
Summary: Post 'Never Leave Me'. While Spike is waiting to be rescued from the wheel, he has an interesting and cryptic dream... What happened to Giles, anyway?  
  
Author's Notes: Okay, guys... I think this is just gonna be a really long one shot, but I might turn it into chapters by the end of it. I don't know. It depends. I'm starting to write this the day after NLM aired, but I don't know when I'll get it up. I hope to have it finished before the next new ep, but if it turns into a mini epic, I can't promise that.  
  
+++++++++++  
Don't Let Go...  
by: Tigerwolf  
+++++++++++  
  
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Chapter 1  
Denial  
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Cold. All he could think of was the cold. And the pain from the multiple stab wounds across his aching torso. The robed guys had left, taking whatever they'd freed with them, but they'd left him down there. Alone. Absently, he wondered if the Scoobies would even look for him. And if they were, why they hadn't found him yet.  
  
'They're not looking for you', the basement itself seemed to speak. 'Why should they? You broke a wall, hurt that Andrew kid. Why should they care if you die down here?'  
  
He heaved in a ragged breath, the ropes chafing his wrists, the cuts on his stomach and chest burning with the motion. "They'll come...", he rasped out, his throat dry after hours of whimpering and labored breathing. "She said... Buffy said.. she believes in me... They'll come..." And yet he still felt so alone, and he wondered who he was trying to convince, the 'voices', or himself.  
  
"...she'll come..."  
  
==========================================================================================  
  
Another couple of hours passed, and there were no signs that anyone was looking for him. His skin had taken on a slight almost blueish tint from the cold and bloodloss, and he was rapidly loosing conciousness. And something told him, that if he went to sleep now, he might never wake up. Still, he was so cold... and unconciousness promised a release from the aches and pains that plagued him.  
  
Fifteen more minutes, and Spike had all but given up. He'd stopped breathing, for it just forced more of his precious blood out of his body. He was too weak to heal any faster than a normal human, and he knew it. Still, there was a part of him that held out hope that he would be found. William, the eternal optimist, was in there now, along with Spike, and he believed that Buffy would find him. So Spike couldn't help but feel it too. Still, he was very close to passing out. Maybe he'd just close his eyes for a little while...  
  
"...Buffy...."  
  
============================================================================================  
  
Spike opened his eyes, to find the world slowly rotating. And he appeared to be lying down... on something metal.. outside...during the day.   
  
DURING THE DAY!!??  
  
He scrambled to his feet, which was rather difficult being that he was on a playground merry-go-round. He fell off the side of it and landed on his back in the warm sand. It was then that he noticed that he wasn't on fire.  
  
Wait a minute... He'd been in the school basement, on the wheel, hurt, bleeding... and.. he must have passed out.  
  
"I'm dreaming," he muttered, looking around. "Or am I?" This place lacked the... darkness of his usual nightmares. In fact, it was actually rather plesant, especially considering the bleakness of his current 'real' surroundings. He closed his eyes, sighing quietly at the wonderful feeling of the sun on his face and arms. Glancing down, he found himself to be wearing a... tweed suit? Oh well. He'd worn weirder in dreams. There was that time with the banana skins and... Now was not the time to be thinking of that.  
  
He drew in a deep breath, enjoying the daytime scents, and the fact that it didn't seem to hurt to breathe anymore. That was good. That was very... He sniffed again. There was someone around... Someone familiar...  
  
"Rupert?"  
  
Upon rounding a tree, he was greeted with the rather strange sight of Giles on a swing. Admitedly, he was just... rocking there, but still. "Rupe?", he questioned again, once he was sure he was within the 'older' man's range of hearing.  
  
Giles glanced up and gave a small smile. "Ah. There you are. I've been waiting." He looked confused for a moment. "Somehow I thought you'd be here sooner. Oh well. Have a seat." He gestured to the swing near him.  
  
Tenitively, Spike lowered himself into the swing, suprised that he liked the feel of the plastic thing. Glanced over at his unofficial mentor. "What are we doing here, Rupert?"  
  
Giles gave a small shrug. "Well, I'm in a hospital back in London, and you're unconcious in the basement of the High School, so neither of us is actually *here* at all."  
  
"You know what I mean, Watcher."  
  
Giles sighed. "Yes, Spike. I do know. And first, I need you to know something."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm proud of you. I know it probably doesn't mean anything, but I am. You've done an amazing thing by winning your soul, and besting your demon. You've started on a road that will, in the end, assure you a place wherever all of us will go when it's our time."  
  
Spike's jaw had dropped slightly. Rupert was proud of him? After all he'd done? After what he'd almost-  
  
"Don't even think of that, William," Giles said suddenly, sternly. "That wasn't you, and you know it. Deep inside, you know you'd never even attempt to hurt her."  
  
Spike's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "You can hear my THOUGHTS!?"  
  
Giles sighed. "I wouldn't be much of a guide if I couldn't, now would I?"  
  
Spike didn't have an answer for that.  
  
"Now," the Watcher continued. "We'd best get started. I don't know how much time we have. I have to come out of my coma sometime, and Buffy and the others are already looking for you. So I don't have much time to show you what He needs you to see."  
  
"What who needs me to see?"  
  
Giles looked at him. "About a month and a half ago, Spike, you went to a church. You asked for help, and now you're getting it. But, like I said, we have a limited amount of time, so I suggest we get moving." He started pumping his legs, making the swing go higher and higher. "Come on, now, William! We don't have all day!"  
  
Spike blinked, shrugged, and started pumping his legs, quickly catching up with the Watcher. If there were answers here, he sure as hell wasn't going to miss them by not obeying his guide, even though this seemed rather ludicrious to him.  
  
"Come on! Put your back into it! A Watcher knows no gravity!"  
  
Spike looked at him, not pausing his legs. "A *what*? Rupert, mate, you're the Watcher. Not me."  
  
"Faster! Faster!!", was Giles' only reply.  
  
Spike shrugged. The man was in a coma. Of course he wasn't entirely there. Spike obeyed and pumped his legs faster.   
  
And screamed at the top of his lungs when the swing set suddenly catapulted them into the air.  
  
"BLOODY HEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"  
  
=============================================================================================  
  
*FFOOOMMPPPP!!*  
  
Spike landed, face down, in a pile of hay. As he scrambled to his feet, quickly discovering that it is extremely difficult to get leverage in a haystack, he became aware that there were massive amounts of people and demons milling around.   
  
*WHHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!*  
  
A train whistle? A TRAIN whistle? Sure enough, it was. And an old steam engine, at that. He cocked his head, muttering apologies everytime someone or something new pushed past him. He stood on his toes, doing his best to make out his surroundings. The park from before was no where to be seen. All there seemed to be was this train platform, and a train that stretched for seemingly miles. With the exception of the engine, all the other cars were box cars. Like the kind that you'd use to transport cattle, or some other livestock. Except that they were filled with people. All different species and races of humans and demons imaginable were crammed into car after car.  
  
Now that his ears had adjusted to the noise, he could make out individual voices from the milling throngs, and they all seemed to be saying about the same thing.  
  
"This isn't happening..."  
  
"We're not here, this is an illusion.."  
  
"This is completely illogical. A place like this can not exist, therefore, it does not."  
  
And they just kept muttering the same things, over and over, an endless litany, as some of the stronger species herded group after group into the box cars.   
  
Suddenly, he caught sight of Giles and waved. Giles waved back, and made his way over to Spike, pushing through the throngs. "There you are. I was wondering where you'd gotten to."  
  
The vampire looked around. "Where is this place, Rupert? Who are all these people?"  
  
Giles shrugged. "Don't ask me, Spike. This is, after all, your mind we're in. I must warn you, though. I've been told that I'm to help you 'through' something. What that is, I don't know. But, knowing a bit about dreams and the worlds therein, I would believe that all of this must stand for something. The train, for instance, could be some sort of journey."  
  
Spike nodded slowly. "Yeah... I guess... But all these people..."  
  
The Watcher looked around. "Yes... well. Perhaps they are all symbols of the same thing. We just don't know what that is, yet."  
  
"*Rrrallphrash! Move on, gallfaph creatures!*", some sort of burly looking demon said, pushing them ahead of him, prodding with one of the nightsticks that these 'overseers' seemed to have. "*Rrellin in train!*" It was speaking some sort of combination of english and whatever it's native tongue happened to be. Whatever it was, it was nothing that Spike had ever heard before.  
  
The vampire and Watcher allowed themselves to be prodded into one of the box cars at the front of the train. A few moments later, it began moving. Spike stood up and paced around the boxcar, stepping over people who had curled up on the floor, still in various stages of denial that this was even happening. And the smell... whew. There was a reason that showers were invented.   
  
Giles watched the vampire from where he leaned against the wall. "Something wrong, Spike?"  
  
"I'm looking for something."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I don't know... But it's not in this car." He looked at Giles, pausing in mid step. "We should go check out the other cars, Rupe. There's something... I'm supposed to be looking for something... or someone.. I'm not sure which."  
  
Giles shrugged. "Once again, it's your dream. Let's go."  
  
With some difficulty, they made their way to the back of the car that they were in, and Spike broke the lock that held the door closed, stepping out onto the narrow platform on the back. He quickly jumped to the other car, then turned and helped Giles cross by walking on the coupling between the cars. Then he broke the door into the next car.  
  
How long, exactly, that they went through this monotonous sequence of smash, jump, help, smash, "Excuse me", as they passed through the cars was unclear. Time seemed to have lost all meaning. Soon enough, they appeared to be at the last car.  
  
Every car before had been filled with people in various stages of denial. From the people in the first car, curled up, bemoaning that it couldn't possibly be real, to one car that had been filled with people just sitting there, shaking their heads and chanting "No no no no" over and over, to a car full of people crying that there was no way that this could be happening to them. The strangest thing was, they weren't only all different species, they were also from all different time periods. There were knights in armor, socity women from the ninteenth century, kings, queens, noblemen, slaves, all different people, from all different times, all with one thing in common, they didn't believe that this was happening to them.  
  
However, despite being in denial, the people had been relatively quiet, not even responding with more than just a nod or headshake when Spike or Giles questioned them. All in all, despite being smelly, all the cars had been quiet. So Spike and Giles were completely shocked when breaking open the door to the final car revealed a madhouse!!  
  
People were screaming, pushing, shoving, biting, clawing at each other franticly. Shouts of, "It's not me! They want you!", and the ever popular "This isn't happening!!" kept ringing out from around the car, amid the sounds of landing punches and grunts of pain and anger. Spike didn't know what to do. So, true to form, he did the first thing that popped into his mind.  
  
"PEOPLE!!!", Spike shouted, relieved when everyone stopped to look at him. "Look at yourselves! What good is all this fighting doing? Rather than fight, why don't we all band together, go back to the front, and stop this train?! We don't have to stand by and let them take us where we don't want to go, right? Right?"  
  
This got quite a reaction out of the crowd. The reaction being that they all turned and ATTACKED SPIKE AND GILES!!!  
  
Knowing his chip still worked, and not wanting to risk testing dream rules on that point, Spike did the only thing he could think of. He leaped up, grabbed the rafters at the top of the boxcar, kicked a hole in the top of the car, and pulled Giles up after him.  
  
And both of them were nearly knocked off by the wind. They quickly dropped to their stomachs to minimize their profiles.   
  
"Our situation has not improved!", Giles shouted over the howling wind. "And we didn't even find whatever you were looking for!"  
  
"Gimme a minute, Rupert! I'm trying to figure out what to do now!"  
  
"It seems to me," Giles continued as if the vampire hadn't spoken. "That we've been going about this backwards! We were previously at the FRONT of the train! Rather than making our way back here, we should've gone to the engine, and stopped the train! Then we could've made our search of the boxcars in a much more leisurely fashion!"  
  
Spike froze, and shot the Watcher a look that could've melted steel. "You just thought of that NOW!?"  
  
"Well, no! But you seemed so certain about searching the cars that I figured-!" He shrugged awkwardly.  
  
"Bloody HELL!" Spike slowly climbed to his feet, shifting his ballance till he found a way to walk that didn't allow the wind much leeway. "Come on! We're gonna stop this train!"  
  
Making their way back to the front of the train actually went alot faster than the treck to the back had. Mostly because they didn't have to push through mobs of people to get from car to car this way. When they were about three cars back from the tender, Spike stopped, squinting in the strange, reddish sunlight of this... wherever they were. The train was coming up on a bridge, and at the other side of the bridge was a tunnel.  
  
A tunnel that roared and spat smoke and flames.   
  
It was obviously the last stop for this train. Spike quickly realized that they'd have to stop the train BEFORE the tunnel, or everyone in those hundreds of cars would die. He hurried up, leaping ahead of Giles, his vampiric ballance aiding him greatly as he ran the length of the remaining box cars to leap to the tender. He stood up instantly upon landing, and began to make his way to the engine, when he saw him. There was no mistaking who it was.  
  
Angelus.  
  
Angelus was the engineer.  
  
"Oh, bloody perfect."  
  
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Author's Notes 2: Okay. Yep. Chaptered fic. lol. I have about five 'worlds' I want to take Spike and Giles through before they get home, so I HAVE to chapter it, or else it'd be waaaayyyy too long. lol. Also, I'd like to add an additional disclaimer. This story was inspired by the Star Trek: The Next Generation book "I, Q". (I highly recommend this, btw.) And I have borrowed some dream imagry from this book. It's not mine. Thank you. Please review. It'll get a new chapter here sooner. 


	2. Anger part 1

Disclaimer, Summary, ect: See chap one.  
  
Author's Notes: Okay, so not a very big following, if the reviews are any indication, but all the reviews I DO have are positive, so I'll take that as a good sign and continue. Once again, I'd like to thank the Star Trek book "I, Q" for the general idea behind this fic, and tell you that I highly reccommend it. *grins*  
  
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Chapter 2  
Anger  
========  
  
"Oh, bloody perfect."  
  
Angelus grinned ferally up at Spike, who was still perched percariously on the tender car. "Will, my boy. Good to see you." Gestured to the upcoming tunnel. "Isn't it wonderful? And without the fuss of Acathla, too. One way ticket, and this time, your precious Slayer isn't here to stop me."  
  
Spike growled. "I don't need Buffy to take you, Peaches."  
  
Angelus smirked. "Come on then, kid. Let's go." He vamped and growled.  
  
Spike snarled and leaped at his Grandsire. The two vampires traded blows, snarling and even snapping at each other. Spike had never been able to take Angelus before, but in his years with the Scoobies, his strength had nearly doubled, making him almost an even match for the older vamp. But Spike had forgotten one thing.  
  
Giles.  
  
The 'older' man had finally made it onto the tender, and when he caught sight of Angelus, he nearly fell off the train. "Good lord!"  
  
Angelus threw Spike off of him, and nearly headfirst into the metal firebox door, stunning him. Then the older vampire turned and smiled evily at Giles. "Rupert. Long time no see." He lunged for the Watcher, only to be slammed to the ground when Spike latched on to his leg.   
  
"Rupert! RUN!"  
  
By then, at least half the train was already on the bridge, and heading for the fire tunnel very quickly, but Spike was still too wrapped up in his battle with Angelus to worry about that. The older vampire, however, now had his sights set on a new target: Giles. He shook Spike off again, and leaped once more for the tender car.  
  
Spike roared and gave a desperate lunge, grabbing his Grandsire by the leg. This caused Angelus to fall short of the tender car, and be forced to grab the coupling between the two cars in order to keep from falling off the bridge entirely. And Spike suddenly had a flash of inspiration. He grabbed Angelus' other leg and pulled as hard as he could. This caused the older vampire's death grip on the coupling to work to Spike's advantage.  
  
Angelus pulled the pin out of the coupling, seperating the cars from the engine. "NNOOOOO!!!", he howled, turning to attack Spike, but the blonde vampire was no where to be seen.  
  
Spike had jumped off the train, and was currently plumetting toward the river below.  
  
The engine was quickly leaving the box cars and tender behind, and, despite spinning end over end, Spike caught sight of Angelus still hanging out of the back of the engine, yelling curses after him, as the engine disappeared into the hell tunnel.  
  
'Good," Spike thought. 'The people in the cars are safe, Angelus is gone, and... Oh look. The river.'  
  
*PLOOOSSSHHH!!!*  
  
===========================================================================================  
  
Spike woke up. Or, at least, he felt as if he had. The fact that he was soaking wet and seemed to have washed up on the side of a river told him that he was still in the dream. He pushed himself up onto his hands and knees, and promptly spit up a lungful of water.  
  
Ugh. For a dream, this place was horribly realistic.  
  
He crawled up out of the water, coughing and sputtering as his long dead lungs struggled for unneeded breath. He'd just about recovered, when he realized something.  
  
Giles. He'd left Giles on the train.  
  
He sighed. Well. If Rupert was his guide, he'd have to find him again. But looking up the river revealed no trace of the bridge or the train. He had no idea how far he'd washed before finally washing ashore. He cocked his head. "Rupert..." Suddenly, he felt very alone.  
  
He had no idea how long he sat there, waiting for... he didn't know what. For Giles to find him. For Angelus to show up again. For night to fall. But none of those things happened. Actually, nothing at all happened. Except for one thing.  
  
*...booooommm!!...*  
  
What he heck was that? He turned on the rock to face away from the river. Huh. He hadn't noticed that... he wanted to say 'town', but 'rubble' would probably be a more accurate term. It looked like a bomb had gone off. Repeatedly. Still, it was the only thing even resembling civilization anywhere around, so he got to his feet, noting that his suit was dry again, and wondering exactly how long he'd been sitting on that rock. And slowly began his trek toward the 'town'. Maybe Giles would be somewhere in there.  
  
===========================================================================================  
  
A short time later, Spike was walking through the 'town'. Now, *this* seemed more like his normal nightmares. Everywhere he looked, there were bodies. Most burned beyond recognition, and not all human, either. That 'boom' from before was a bomb, definitely. And not the first that this 'town' had seen. Where they were coming from, Spike didn't know, and didn't intend to find out. All that mattered to him at the moment was finding Giles, if he was indeed around. And something told Spike that he was.... Somewhere.  
  
He wrapped his arms around himself, holding the jacket of his suit closed. He felt cold, dispite the heat, and the strange red sky that seemed to have no sun. This place was bad. Very bad. And he desperatly wanted to find Giles. Momentarily, the thought that his guide might have actually been one of the many charred corpses that he'd already passed went through his mind, and he shook his head hard to get rid of the image. Giles was his guide, and you couldn't die in a dream... Right?  
  
He passed tumbled down buildings, peering inside, hoping, just once, to catch sight of a survivor... No such luck. In on building, which had apparantly been a family's home, he found a old, yellowed photograph of a mother, father, and two children. Further search of the building revealed four more charred corpses. He had to fight down a wave of nausea. It was one thing to pass by nameless, faceless bodies, but he'd seen that photograph. He knew what these poor people looked like... before, and after.   
  
And he quickly discovered that it was possible to throw up in a dream.  
  
When he felt a little better, he did his best to bury the four bodies. That, at least, gave HIM some closure. He leaned on his shovel, after throwing the last shovelful of dirt on the fourth grave, wiping his brow with the back of one hand. His formerly immaculate suit was covered in dust, and he'd discarded the jacket in the process of digging. He drew in deep, slow breaths, and suddenly his head shot up when he caught a strange, and yet, familiar scent.  
  
Glancing around told him that whatever he was smelling wasn't nearby. It had been blown in on one of the few breezes that permeated the rubble of the town. He followed the direction that the breeze was coming from, and blinked a couple of times. There was a huge, almost castle-like building where he was certain there hadn't been one before.  
  
At least, he was relatively sure that it hadn't been there before. Things in this dream world just seemed to get more and more confusing. At least, he figured, it probably couldn't get any weirder.  
  
Right that moment, a large white rabbit, wearing a waistcoat and carrying a large pocket watch hopped past. "Oh my ears and whiskers! I'm going to be late!"  
  
Okay.. so it could get weirder.  
  
Still, the rabbit was the only living thing he'd seen since washing up on this forsaken land, so he followed it. After all, it seemed to be heading for the castle, anyway, and, being that it was where the familiar scent was coming from, he was about to head there anyway. Still, he felt rather foolish, following a rabbit. Chuckled to himself. If he'd had any doubts that he was insane, they were gone now.  
  
He trotted to keep up with the rabbits quick pace, chasing after it quickly. Fought the insane urge to call for it to slow down. "Perfect," he muttered as he followed the immaculately dressed bunny. "This bloody dream's turnin' into William in Wonderland." Snorted. "I knew I never should've read that book more than once."  
  
The bunny was crossing the drawbridge into the castle, and Spike chased after it, his sensitive ears picking up the creature's strange mutterings. "Oh, the Arbitrator isn't going to like this... I can't believe I forgot my gloves."  
  
'Arbitrator'? He blinked. And since when do rabbits wear gloves... "Probably since they started wearin' waistcoats and talkin' english, genius," he muttered to himself, following the bunny across the bridge. "And now I'm talkin' to myself. Bloody wonderful."  
  
The rabbit suddenly paused and turned around, holding a suprisingly human hand up to it's mouth and "Shhhhh!"ing loudly, before turning and hurrying into a very small door. Spike cocked his head. Until that moment, he'd been certain that the bunny was totally unaware of his presence. And now, more to the point, that door was much too small for Spike to fit through. He shrugged. Oh well. No reason to keep following the bunny, anyway. Now that he was inside the castle, it would probably be better to just keep exploring on his own.  
  
He wandered through the massive halls, pausing to observe the occasional tapestry or suit of armor. Suddenly, he caught that same, strangely familiar scent again. Following his nose brought him into a huge chamber, filled, once again, with hoards of people. Thankfully, they all appeared to be alive and well, which made them the first of their kind in this world.  
  
And they also appeared to be waiting for something. In line, actually. Spike shrugged and moved to stand at the end of the line. By having some... rather strange discussions with other 'people' in line, he found out that this was the line to meet with this 'Arbitrator' person. Apparently, whoever it was, they were supposed to settle disputes among the 'townspeople'. Spike figured that, if he was going to get answers, this person was a good enough place to start. And then there was the possibilty that Giles might be somewhere nearby. He was getting that feeling again.  
  
He must have been in line for the better part of a day. It moved.... slowly, to put it mildly. Finally, after much shifting on his feet, and just general nervousness, he found himself in an even bigger room, which signs in several languages proclaimed "The Arbitration Chambers". So it made sense that the person who was sitting up on that huge judges' bench would be the Arbitrator.  
  
He was very close to his goal... So why did he have a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach? And why was that familiar scent making him nervous now? And why-  
  
It was then that he got a good look at this Arbitrator. He inhaled sharply, and took a step back, nearly bumping into the people behind him. He muttered apologies, and started to get out of the line, suddenly desperate to get out of that line.  
  
"William, whatever are you running for?", called the Arbitrator in a beautiful female voice. "Don't you wish to know why you are here?"  
  
He paused in his tracks, and turned around, finding that everyone else in the room had vanished, leaving him alone with the Arbitrator. He gave a deep sigh. "Fine. You've got answers, I'm listening."  
  
"Don't you feel it would be proper for you to say hello to me, first? After all, it's been a very long time."  
  
He sighed again, and slowly approached the bench. He paused at the bottom, gazing up into eyes that he hadn't seen in a century.  
  
She smiled down at him. "Hello, William."  
  
He gave a long delibrate blink, then sighed again. "Hello, Cecily."  
  
=============================================================================================  
  
Author's Notes 2: *grins* Suprise! Who'd you think it was gonna be? Review, if you are interested in finding out what happens next. 


	3. Anger part 2

Disclaimer, Summary, ect: See chap 1.  
  
=========  
Chapter 3  
Anger pt 2  
=========  
  
"Hello, Cecily."  
  
She smiled at him again, and climbed down off her Arbitrator's bench. "William. You certainly have changed. Have a seat." She motioned behind him.  
  
To his suprise, there was suddenly a chair, where there hadn't been one before. He gave a small shrug. No accounting for where things come from in dreams. And sat down. "Thank you."  
  
She made another chair appear and sat opposite him. "No need for being polite, William. This is a place where you can voice your true feelings. Do not feel shy."  
  
He gave a small growl. "I'm not 'shy', pet. I prefer to be cautious, though. Whatever caused all that carnage outside might be in here."  
  
"I take it you wish to know what caused that, then?"  
  
He gave a small shrug. "You're supposed to answer questions. That seems like a good place to start."  
  
She sighed. "Well, it isn't a simple answer, William. And yet... I suppose it is."  
  
He growled again, moving to stand up. "I don't need cryptic answers, pet. And I don't feel like wasting my time here with them. I have a friend out there somewhere, and I need to find him."  
  
"You mean Rupert. He is fine. He is resting comfortably in another room. You will be reunited with him at the next level."  
  
Spike slowly sat back down. "Next level?"  
  
"Are you familiar with the theories of one Dr. Kubler Ross? Mostly the ones on the stages a terminal paitent goes through on the way to thier own death?"  
  
Spike cocked his head. "The name sounds familiar, pet, but... can't say I place it. No."  
  
Cecily sighed. "Well then. This is going to take a bit longer than I thought. That first place you found yourself, after the park-"  
  
"How did you know about that?!"  
  
She gave a small smile. "I am the Arbitrator. I am supposed to know things. Besides, all of this is in YOUR mind, so if you remember it, I can also."  
  
He blinked. "Okay."  
  
"I may continue, then? Or am I confusing you?"  
  
Small growl. "Not confusin' in the least, pet. Please continue..." Part of him wanted to just get up and tear her head off for even suggesting that he was unable to comprehend.  
  
"Good. Well, that first place was the first level. When you jumped from the train, you exited that level, and moved on to here. Once you face this level's trial, you may move onto the next one, and so on, until you reach the end."  
  
He blinked hard and fought down another growl. She was treating him like he couldn't understand a word she was saying, speaking slowly like he was some sort of retard. Still, he forced himself to speak. "And the levels represent the stages you mentioned earlier, correct?"  
  
"Yes. The stages are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Dispair, and Acceptance. Your body is dying, William. And your mind is desperately trying to come to grips with all the aspects of your past. This dream is the only way to do so."  
  
"Wait a minute... I'm not DYING!! I can't die! I'm already DEAD!!"  
  
Cecily sighed again. "William, please listen to me. You've lost almost all the blood in your body. You already were weak physically. Unless a miracle happens, your body will turn to dust within the next day. This dream is also a distraction from the pain that is causing you. You've already beaten one level: Denial. Please don't start with it again. I'll have to send you back to the train if you do."  
  
He took deep breaths, trying to steady himself, still growling softly.  
  
"That's much better. Good. Now. On each level, you will encounter a.. specter from your past. So far, the representatives have been Angelus, and myself. Angelus appeared on the Denial level simply because you always denied that you were afraid of him. But you faced that fear to save those people in the cars, as well as Rupert. You admited to yourself that you were terrified, and yet still acted. I am appearing here, on the Anger level, because you still harbor resentment toward me." She looked him in the eyes. "Tell me honestly what you are considering doing right now."  
  
He blinked, then growled. "Killing you."  
  
"Why? Was what I did to you really that horrible?"  
  
"YES!" He snarled, leaping from his seat and pacing inbetween them. "You... if it weren't for you, I never woulda run into Dru! I wouldn't have died that night!! I would be HUMAN, if it weren't for YOU!" He turned to her, full game face in place, fangs gleaming, eyes glowing. "See what you did?? This is YOUR fault!!"  
  
"Have you ever seen it that way before?" She seemed the picture of cool, while he was sweating and shaking with rage.  
  
How could she be so bloody CALM!!? He snarled, started pacing again. "No! But I see it NOW!!"  
  
"I thought you liked what you are."  
  
He paused for a moment, then looked at her, still growling low in his throat. "Well, big suprise, I don't. If it weren't for you, Cecily Addams, I wouldn't be a monster."  
  
"If it weren't for me, you would never have met Buffy."  
  
That gave him pause. It was true. If he'd never run out of that party and into Dru, if he'd never been a vampire, then he would never have met Buffy. A small snort. "Yeah, cause that's turned out so well... She's not even looking for me." He had quieted a bit, and slowly sank back into his chair.  
  
Cecily shook her head. "Yes she is. You know that. She believes in you, William. She told you that herself. Who knows? Maybe she'll find you before it's too late. But, for now, congratulations."  
  
He blinked, looking at her, not even realizing that he no longer had fangs. "For what?"  
  
She smiled. "You didn't kill me. You wanted to, though. But you didn't. And you very well could've. That's what this level was about, you facing an unresolved Anger within you. Apparently, that was at me. But you didn't give in to Anger. You asked what caused all that distruction outside, and the answer is simple. You won. They did not. They gave into their Anger and it destroyed them. I think you're ready to move on."  
  
Before Spike could say anything, the floor seemed to drop out from under him, and he fell into darkness.  
  
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Author's Notes: Short chap, and mostly just explaination for the whole fic, lol. But it's an important moment. Spike will hit the next level some time after New Years. I'm taking a break from writing for the holidays. Merry Christmas, everyone. And a Happy New Year. 


End file.
